Today is my due date, and our little guy’s 1 month birthday. I don’ know how to feel. I know that I hate that he’s already older, but I’m also so grateful that he’s here. I know that I’m tired and hungry. Super hungry. I’m nursing and nursing always makes me feel like a ravished beast. I’m pretty sure I could eat us out of the house if I tried. I’m also pretty sure that it’s probably heightened because I spent 9 months losing weight that needed to stick around and wanting food when I couldn’t keep it in me very often. If you don’t know what I’m talking about you can read our Hyperemesis post, or type hyperemsis into the search field on the left sidebar and you can catch up on our crazy experience. Anyway, the important thing is that today is an emotional one for me so why don’t we pretend to be close friends, share a grilled peanut butter nutella and banana sandwich (who’m I kidding, get your own!) and chat about life.
First, I recognize that this is not much of a recipe, but someone had to teach you a grilled cheese right? Well now I’m teaching you your next favorite sandwich.
Did you know that our little guy was a long journey for us? Not just pregnancy, but for 5 years we prayed for an opportunity to have more children if it was right for us. Whether through adoption or pregnancy it didn’t matter, we just felt that there would be another child somehow and we wanted to act on that feeling. It was a confusing time. We sought medical advice from Doctor Haskett, looked into adoption, started adoption papers, never felt totally a peace and finally, after much prayer and fasting, we felt we should move forward with our own pregnancy.
It was a scary road for us. Cade desperately wanted me to be spared the trial of pregnancy as we knew I had such a rough last two pregnancies with HG. Thankfully this one wasn’t as bad as our second daughter, but I wouldn’t say it was easy either. I was scared because I knew exactly how everything felt, so to take that all on again, well let’s just say that neither of us wanted to do it unless we felt strongly about it and had a good doctor by our side. And I didn’t want my children to suffer at all or my husband to be burdened (my words, not his). But with an amazing medical team and trust me, it was meant to be them, I gained the weight I was asked to gain in order to give myself more of a cushion for when I lost weight and we plunged into trying to get pregnant. Anyone who has struggled with that or any pregnancy hardship knows how trying that time can be, every month a constant reminder that it didn’t work and for me it came with extra emotions.
Fear of not getting pregnant and fear of it happening and being so ill again. Before I even got pregnant I felt so strongly it would be a boy, and then the month we would find out I kept telling Cade I was sure I was expecting and it would be a boy. Funny how you can feel so strongly that someone is missing in your life and then also feel they are about to be there.
What an amazing journey, 5 years in the making and totally worth it. I’m so glad that we had to wait a bit for him. I know many never get to experience the joy of children, that breaks my heart, but I’m so glad I at least can say that I kind of understand the pain of waiting, hoping, and then fighting with everything you’ve got to bring them into the world. Sometimes life can really challenge us, but hold on to the feelings you’ve had. Many don’t understand why we would risk a pregnancy knowing that I am high risk, I get that, but I trust my Heavenly Father and I knew that we had felt there was another child, and we desperately wanted him too. Faith, choose to have faith and things will always work out. Faith isn’t just a gift some have and others don’t, it’s something we have to choose each day and hold on to.
I can’t believe he is really here. We truly have witnessed a miracle and the hand of a loving Heavenly Father.
- 2 Slices Good Quality bread (I used Dave's Killer Bread Good Seed Bread. It's one of our favorites)
- Creamy Peanut Butter
- Nutella Spread
- ½ Banana
- Unsalted Butter, softened
- Heat a skillet to medium heat.
- Spread one side of the bread with peanut butter, and the other with Nutella. Add slices of banana and close the sandwich.
- Butter one side of the bread and place on the heated skillet. Spread a layer of butter on the other side while the sandwich is cooking.
- Cook until lightly golden and flip to the other side. Cook again until golden and remove from heat.
- Let cool for a moment so as to not burn your mouth, and then enjoy!